Thursday, March 31, 2011

HERITAGE

As you can tell I have been doing lots of thinking recently. But yesterday and today were a couple of tough days. I learned a lot, I grew a lot, I thought about lots of things. And I feel very blessed to be honest. And I mean my life has not been particularly easy, but ... I feel lucky to be where I am, and to live the life I am living. As I go back and ponder, and look closer to what I have gotten, I realize how great of the heritage I have. And I do not want to sound prideful (even though, I am VERY prideful, haha), but I am very proud to be Ukrainian, I am very proud of my heritage. I am proud to come from the culture that appreciates people more than their income, that cares for others, and teaches us to be people of integrity. I can truly say that I have not had more dedicated and loyal friends than the ones from Ukraine or Russia. We value people more than we value "having fun". In relationships we do not think that much about "what am I getting out of this?", rather we think "how can contribute to this?" We treat each other nicely. We care. When we ask each other "How are you?", we ask because we care, and we want to know. And even if you had a crappy day, and you are down, we are there to comfort each other in every possible way. And I do not have to think much of an example. I have a friend from Russia, she is my best friend (we do not always get along perfectly, but we are best friends), she knew I was having tough couple of days. So, she took me out today. We went to the International Buffet, and we totally pigged out, haha. She did it not to look cool, but because she cares. I almost feel that Eastern Europeans bond better because we put our hearts into the relationships that we have even as friends. You would not find a more reliable, loyal, and affectionate friend / partner than an Eastern European. Our men still give flowers to their women, and treat them as their queens. Our women do not want to do guys' job and be equal with them. We do not have gender issues, we are more conservative when it comes to this, I guess. We also value education, arts, manners, we are more of a classier nation if that makes sense. Most of the Eastern Europeans speak a few (at least two) languages, and have a few degrees.
I also am absolutely proud to be a Mykho, to be from the family I am from. At times my parents seemed to be unreasonable and mean, but now as I look back ... I am SO grateful. I am grateful that my mom taught me how to use a million of knives and forks at the table, how to speak right, and how to study and work hard. I am absolutely grateful for my dad who taught me how to love and care for others, how to respect others, treat others. He taught me to appreciate arts, history, etc. My dad has taught me that there is nothing I cannot do, no limits to my abilities, and the more I live, the more I learn that this is how it is. They have been a great example to me. And I think both my sister and I have become everything our parents wanted us to become. My dad always wanted for my sister and I to be best friend, and we are not always nice to each other, but we absolutely love each other and care for each other, we are really close. My dad wanted us to be ambitious and have a good career path ... I feel like both of us have our educational priorities and goals straight. We are both motivated and result driven. I love my family!!!!!! I have learned SO much from them.
My family is amazing ... my mom, dad, and my sister are my favorite people. Because of them I am what I am, and I believe I turned out pretty well, haha. I still make mistakes and I still have lots of things to improve, but other than that ... things are great. My friends ofter refer to me as a girl with a VERY big heart, and I know that it is not because I am great, but because of the family and country I came from. Everything I am, I am because of my parents. Now, I gotta make them proud :)
Bottom line, I love my family AND my culture. I am a proud Ukrainian!!!!! And whatever happens I will always keep my identity.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I miss my papi ...

Today is one of the days when I miss my daddy a lot (I say daddy on purpose). It seems like everything went wrong today ... everything seems to be falling off my hands ... and I have been pmsing hardcore ... I can hardly control myself, lol.
My dad is the best man out there ... someone who knows how to cheer me up, how to chew me out, and how to put me back in place ... he is just perfect ... the other week I called him to ask him about my boys' problems (I know I am old enough to deal with my problems on my own ... shut up over there! haha), and he was SO sweet ... he made me laugh ... I was complaining that the guy was not showing any sort of affection ... and my dad gets into his serious voice and says: "The only thing I can think of ... is ... Kristina, that is going to sound really harsh, but I think this guy is gay ... I cannot think of any other reason for him to be like that". I was puzzled for a sec, but then I just laughed. My father thinks that I am SO good and so beautiful that there is no way any man could not like me unless he is gay. I know he is biased, but I love that theory, lol. My Dad does know how to cheer me up. I just wish he were here, so that he could hold me on days like today when I am cranky and I do not want to have anyone around, but him. I wish he could hug me tightly and say his famous "Everything will be ok, I hope this is the worst thing that happens to you in your life". And once I hear it from him ... all my troubles seem to go away ... oh, how much I love him and miss him.
I have been SO blessed with a good family, and good parents who taught me SO much. I learned to love and serve in my family, I learned how to make others happy, and be happy by treating others the best I can.
A lot of my girl friends tell me how I am too nice and I need to learn to be a little bitchier ... and I wont lie I considered it ... but I came to realize the other day that it is not worth it. I am not going to change myself for the worse just to fit in here. I am sure there are people that'd be able to appreciate me for who I am. I have a few friends who do, I also have MANY fair weather friends, but it is ok. In the end it does not matter. My parents always taught me that if I have the means to help someone or to be somewhere for someone, I am ought to. And I know it to be true. So, whatevs!
Anyway, today was tough, but I am still a happy camper. Tomorrow is another day that will bring me lots of happiness and joy.
Big hug, everyone <3

Friday, March 18, 2011

I have been thinking ...

I have been SO tired today, I pulled an allnighter last night cause we were supposed to have a quiz for my facility and property class. I studied my butt off, seriously. I was SO diligent in getting everything memorized and stuff. I got to my class today, the professor was late ... and he decided not to give us a quiz. Was I not happy? Oh, yes, I was NOT ... GRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I was mad, hahahahahaha.
Anyway, it was a good day today. Thursday is always my busiest day of the week. I have four classes, and lots of things need to be done on this day.
I was really out of it . It almost felt like I was day dreaming. I thought about lots of things. I think too much, I analyze everything. Sometimes, I wish I could just turn my brains off and think about NOTHING, just like males do. Unfortunately, they did not install this feature in my brains, and now I can do nothing, but think about things all the time. 
So, today in one of my classes the professor talked about marriage and relationships a lot, and yeah, you guessed it right, it got me thinking about those matters. 
I often catch myself reflecting on how those things are in Europe and I compare cultures, dating cultures in particular. European and American cultures differ a lot. And I am not saying that American culture is bad or anything like that. I am just stating that it is different and that even though I have lived here for almost three years, I am still not used to it. Dating in Europe is VERY simple. First of all, we do not divide dating to casual dating, dating, and serious dating. If you date, you date. You like another person, you care for them, you are considerate of another person's feelings, you communicate ... it is just very easy ... does it make sense? Here on the other hand, everyone is casual about dating, sometimes, I feel like it is a big competition. Everyone is trying to overdo each other. People try to keep their options and eyes open, they never stop looking ... they are always on a hunt for someone better ... would they ever stop? I do not know ... Is that why people cheat and get divorced so often around here? Perhaps. People just do not take it seriously here. How many times have I heard "She is nice, but I am just enjoying my life, I am having fun". In Europe it is not appropriate. A lot of times I hear from Americans that we Europeans do not have standards, that we are immodest and wild ... most of it was said when I lived in Munich, Germany. We had a few of Young Single Adults (18-30 y.o.) from the States in our ward. But are we really? Let's think about morals or should I say standards of a regular LDS European... let's take a guy for instance. Most of the guys serve a mission just like they do here. They come home, they go back to school, and of course they get back to dating again. They are a little awkward cause they have not dated for the last  24 months. However, they know what they are looking for, and if they cannot find someone they really like, they just do not date. As easy and simple as that. I mean what's the point to date if the girl you are dating is not someone you wanna date? Dating her would be just unfair. I almost feel like Europeans are more considerate of other people's feelings and well-being. It feels like dating is more courteous in that part of the world. I mean isn't it how it is supposed to be?
On the other hand, Utahns are very different. Non-Committal Make Out (they call it NCMO) is a widely accepted practice. A lot of my guy friends are convinced that if you kiss a girl, it does not mean that you have to take her out again or date her. It is ok to not ever see her again. I mean they are just having fun, right? It just sounds selfish to me. "I am just enjoying the ride" - yeah, right ... who cares about what another person feels or what her / his concerns are.
I have a few friends that have more than one girl that they take out / make out and "casually" date. And it is ok here. It seems like people just do not care for each other. And what surprises me a lot is that the girls are fine with that. In Europe the guy would have gotten slapped for kissing someone else. European women respect themselves.
We are just so caught up with showing off, being better than the rest of the world, dating the hottest girl / guy, getting better grades, etc. We are after something that we do not even know what it is, and what its value. We often forget that there is always someone better than the girl / guy you are dating, always. And indeed there is always someone better than you and I. This is how the world is. And we can go out and date every available single person out there, but what does it get us in the end? Fun? What is fun? How long does that kind of fun last? Don't we all long for a normal healthy relationship? Apparently not, haha. Oh, well ... one of those days I'll understand.
Disclaimer: I am not saying that doing it the american way is wrong, I am just saying it is different from my culture. And because of that my experience here in the States has not been particularly easy. I wish people here communicated more and played less games. Life is stressful enough without it.
I am grateful to my family for teaching me how to love and care for others. The more I live, the more I see that a lot of people really do not know how to love others. I love my family, I am grateful for their example.
Anyway, those are just some of my thoughts today. 

Sunday, March 6, 2011

DAD

Today has been much better. My back feels better today. I had to sleep on the floor, lol.
I was chatting with my friend today and she said something that made me think about my dad. My friend said: "Kristina, you are like a guy. You love to solve your problems on your own, you are a football fan, and you are super chill". All of the things she said are true. But it made me think about why I am this way ... I mean I am a female in the end ... As I mentioned earlier it made me think about my dad. Many of you know that I absolutely love my dad. I mean things are different right now, my parents are divorced, and my dad has a different family now. It happened that we are not close anymore, but it does not matter.
I had the best dad growing up. I seriously could not wish for a better one. He taught me so many important things. I cherish the memories I have of him. He is the best man out there. I remember when I was little I took every word that would come out of his mouth so seriously and would literally do everything he'd ask me to do. I wanted to be like him, and I was a tomboy up to the age of 14 ... then my mom had to take over and teach me how to be a girl, haha.
My dad taught me how to work hard, exercise, respect and love others, love sports, achieve my goals and lots of other things. I am just so grateful for that.
He always treated me like a grownup and I always felt smart and important. I remember disappointing him once. I was maybe six years old. I lied to him ... He never yelled at me or spanked me, he talked to me instead ... He said: "I cannot believe it, I seriously cannot believe you did that. You just disappointed me. I trusted you because I thought you were an adult, but I guess you cannot be trusted. I do not think we can be friends anymore" OMG, it sucked!!!! I could not sleep till 3 am ... then I crawled to my parents' bed and I cried my head off apologizing. Disappointing my dad was the worst thing that could happen in my life at that time. I hold this experience close to my heart. A lot of times I relate experiences with my dad to my experiences with God. In a way I feel that I can be a good Christian because of the way I was brought up. Because of the love my dad gave me. I am so grateful for him, there are no words to express it. I love and miss him lots.
I remember in our family my parents could not ask me to do something they did not do. We had punishments for certain things and the rules applied to everyone. I think that is why I have this crazy sense of justice. My dad was super cute about it. I remember when I started playing the piano, he learned to play it with me. And to say the least my dad is NOT musically talented, not at all. However, he did try his best, and progressed as much as he could.
I remember for being rude we had to sit on the table in the kitchen without the lights on (it was pretty scary), and when my dad was rude to me (from what I remember he told me to shut up cause I was annoying, haha), he sat on the kitchen table. I remember putting matches in his eyes because I wanted him to be up when he came from a night shift. I bet it hurt him, but he was nice about it. He just took the matches out, hugged me tightly (it was so tight that I could not move), and fell asleep. He was SO calm, he never flipped at me or anything like that.
So, when I am told that I am like a guy ... I know I am the way I am cause I am a daddy's daughter. He is my man whatever happens.
When I have days like yesterday, I wish my dad was around and just could put his arms around me and tell me that everything is ok, and that things will work out and that he loves me. Sounds silly, but this is how it is.
I am proud to be a Mykho, I am proud of my upbringing. My dad gave me the best he could. And I appreciate it lots. I am also proud of my heritage and culture. I AM a Ukrainian, and I am absolutely proud of it!!!!!
Anyway, I am at my friend's house, he is probably annoyed with me, lol. I should wrap up my ramblings on here.
Hugs <3 

Today was one of those days

Today ... the only good thing that happened today was that I aced my test ... I got 96 percent on it, I should be happy about it.
Other than that everything was just wrong ... I have had this horrid backache for two days now ... last night it hurt to the point that I could not sleep and I just studied the whole night ... so, today I have been VERY cranky to say the least. I also felt that people that I want to care about my pains, just did not care whatsoever, and it drove me crazy for the longest time today. Even after the temple I felt angry and sad at the same time ... I do not know which one was more ... haha ... on top of it I think it is about that time of the month when I get cranky ... usually I deal just fine with it, but my back is hurting lots so ... I just could not help it, but I felt SO sorry for myself. I usually don't feel this way, I am a tough Soviet girl, but today ... it was different ... I went to the temple in the evening. I did initiatories today, and then went to celestial room to ponder and pray ... and the moment I sat down tears just started dropping one by one ... I felt like I was going to flood the room ... but I could not control it ... what's my deal? seriously? I hate being a girl cause sometimes I just cannot handle it. I guess sometimes it is good to cry, haha ... I feel bad cause I was rude to a few people that I really care for ... I just felt like they should have cared a little more ... I guess I was needy today ... I still am, haha ... but it is not like I get like that all the time, right? I hope I did not offend anyone ... well, now since I poured my soul out on here, I do not need to write in my journal ... so, I can go straight to bed. Let's hope I can sleep ...
Tomorrow is going to be a new and better day!