It is 3:20 a.m. and I am wide awake? Why? I would love to know the answer to this question, haha. Lots of things have been rushing through my mind, all of those thoughts are really random and different. It reminds me of Mark Gungor when he talks about women brain and men brain. "Women's brains are very very different from men's brains. Women's brains are made of a big ball of wire, and everything is connected to EVERYTHING" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BxckAMaTDc this is exactly how I feel :)
Anyway, I am awake thinking about EVERYTHING, lol. I miss being in a big city, I miss my culture where people value relationships ... it has been a HUGE adjustment to move to Provo, Utah. It is considered to be a bigger town, but if you ask me ... I'll just say that it is really really small, haha. However, I did get used to it, and now it does not seem that small. I love being in school, I have learned lots of new things. I met lots of great people and a few who are not so great. I have learned plenty of life lessons. I got disappointed, heartbroken,etc., but I remained the same Kristina. I am a hopeless romantic that wears my heart on a sleeve. Some of my friends (including my sister) have been trying to teach me to be tough and not let others walk over me. And they have the point. BUT if you ask me, I'd rather be a pushover than a B word. However, I do not think I am a pushover, I just try to be nice to everyone, but sometimes I am not.
I am still convinced that I have the best dad in the world, and I absolutely adore my younger sister. I got disappointed with friends, but I still have the best ones. I got disappointed with myself (many times), but I still try to be the best I can and not get too down on myself. I have fell on my face, but managed to get up and walk again. A lot of times I look back at my choices and I squint and say: "Can we pretend it has never happened? Can someone erase it for me, and make everyone forget about it?" I bet everyone has those moments.
I have also been thinking about relationships... do they really have to be that complicated? I mean even with friends ... there is always someone who gets jealous, says things, and causes drama ... why? And then people get offended, and hurt ... why again? With guys ... well, it gets even more complicated ... you gotta play THE game. If you are a girl, you absolutely cannot show much of an interest because if you do, you are doomed. You will be considered desperate and pathetic.If you play hard to get, you will probably get some conceited jerk pursue you cause those like to have things that they cannot have. A good regular guy thinks that you are too much to handle, nerds are too busy with StarCraft and other video games ... so, you are stuck with jerks and players ... why can't things be easy as they used to be in childhood? Remember when you got out to the playground and met a ton of new kids? Remember how in a blink of an eye absolute strangers became your friends? It was SO natural and easy ... why can't we just say: "Hey, I like you!" instead of playing all those games?
Another subject that was, apparently, connected to the one above is chills and tingly feelings in romantic relationships. I feel like the whole Hollywood Fairy Tale idea kinda ruined it for everyone. It seems like people in our days are looking for this constant excitement and when it is not there ... they leave. I have been around for a while and I can tell you for darn sure that chills / tingly feelings come and go. I mean it is nice to be head over heals for someone, but is it necessary? Or can you be head over heals for a long time? Or for how long should you be twitterpatted before you take your relationship seriously? A few of my friends have been talking about it a lot recently. If you ask me, I'd rather have a solid, firm, and reliable partnership kinda thing in my relationship than the chills...
Ooops, it is already 4:16 ... I have to be at work in less than 5 hours ... wish me luck waking up. Tomorrow is going to be A LONG day :)
Sorry if my ramblings do not make sense. I am just thinking out-loud :)
Love ya all <3
Anyway, I am awake thinking about EVERYTHING, lol. I miss being in a big city, I miss my culture where people value relationships ... it has been a HUGE adjustment to move to Provo, Utah. It is considered to be a bigger town, but if you ask me ... I'll just say that it is really really small, haha. However, I did get used to it, and now it does not seem that small. I love being in school, I have learned lots of new things. I met lots of great people and a few who are not so great. I have learned plenty of life lessons. I got disappointed, heartbroken,etc., but I remained the same Kristina. I am a hopeless romantic that wears my heart on a sleeve. Some of my friends (including my sister) have been trying to teach me to be tough and not let others walk over me. And they have the point. BUT if you ask me, I'd rather be a pushover than a B word. However, I do not think I am a pushover, I just try to be nice to everyone, but sometimes I am not.
I am still convinced that I have the best dad in the world, and I absolutely adore my younger sister. I got disappointed with friends, but I still have the best ones. I got disappointed with myself (many times), but I still try to be the best I can and not get too down on myself. I have fell on my face, but managed to get up and walk again. A lot of times I look back at my choices and I squint and say: "Can we pretend it has never happened? Can someone erase it for me, and make everyone forget about it?" I bet everyone has those moments.
I have also been thinking about relationships... do they really have to be that complicated? I mean even with friends ... there is always someone who gets jealous, says things, and causes drama ... why? And then people get offended, and hurt ... why again? With guys ... well, it gets even more complicated ... you gotta play THE game. If you are a girl, you absolutely cannot show much of an interest because if you do, you are doomed. You will be considered desperate and pathetic.If you play hard to get, you will probably get some conceited jerk pursue you cause those like to have things that they cannot have. A good regular guy thinks that you are too much to handle, nerds are too busy with StarCraft and other video games ... so, you are stuck with jerks and players ... why can't things be easy as they used to be in childhood? Remember when you got out to the playground and met a ton of new kids? Remember how in a blink of an eye absolute strangers became your friends? It was SO natural and easy ... why can't we just say: "Hey, I like you!" instead of playing all those games?
Another subject that was, apparently, connected to the one above is chills and tingly feelings in romantic relationships. I feel like the whole Hollywood Fairy Tale idea kinda ruined it for everyone. It seems like people in our days are looking for this constant excitement and when it is not there ... they leave. I have been around for a while and I can tell you for darn sure that chills / tingly feelings come and go. I mean it is nice to be head over heals for someone, but is it necessary? Or can you be head over heals for a long time? Or for how long should you be twitterpatted before you take your relationship seriously? A few of my friends have been talking about it a lot recently. If you ask me, I'd rather have a solid, firm, and reliable partnership kinda thing in my relationship than the chills...
Ooops, it is already 4:16 ... I have to be at work in less than 5 hours ... wish me luck waking up. Tomorrow is going to be A LONG day :)
Sorry if my ramblings do not make sense. I am just thinking out-loud :)
Love ya all <3
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